"You know, there are rebbetzins in town who are very aware that they need to conduct themselves in a certain way because that's what the community expects of them."1

What the community expects, and what the wife of a rabbi expects of herself regarding her own behaviour emerged as a major theme in my interviews with six rabbinical wives.2

One of the women, Toni, related a telling anecdote about her initial perceptions of her husband's new congregation. When they first arrived in the city it was winter. At that time there were no sidewalks on the streets in the area where they lived. She recounted her determination to attend shul on Shabbat. She said, "I can laugh now, but there I was, seven months pregnant with my second child, pushing the two year old in a stroller, with my high heels dipping into the mud."3

She noted that she argued with herself about the mud, her discomfort and her concern about the expectations of the congregation. As her affiliation permits driving to shul, she decided to do so. At the same time she thought about the response of the congregation, "O boy! They're really going to drop dead when they see the rebbetzin stepping out of a car on Shabbat."4

She laughed at how she had been so concerned for what people would say. When she then drove to shul that next Shabbat morning: "No one noticed!" She added that it did not even occur to [the congregants] that driving to shul was problematic for her.

Exploring stories like the above affords a unique opportunity to bring the role of contemporary rabbinical wives into history. Historically, the rabbinical position has been traced extensively. Ample documentation exists describing the myriad of changes that have taken place within the institutional context regarding rabbinical authority and leadership. Minimal consideration is given to the rabbinical role within its social and communal context. No thought has been given to the personal context. Documents, diaries, and journals that might attest to a rabbinical life other than what is recorded in history are non-existent.

The written evidence of Jewish history tends to reinforce the notion that the rabbi and his wife occupied separate worlds. Rabbinical wives are described in terms of their relationships to the males in their lives. Women married to rabbis displayed "devotion and counsel", were "faithful helpmates", and "blessed the [lives of their husbands] with children, courage, and confidence."5 'Reading' a woman's life, however, will reveal a different pattern and a different set of priorities from that of men.6 How a rebbetzin in a contemporary community perceives her public role will augment our understanding of the historical role of the rebbetzin.

Researching the Role of the Rabbinical Wife:

My primary research, a series of interviews, provided an opportunity for six women to describe what it was like to be married to congregational rabbis. The interviews were guided by questions that covered three main areas. The first set addressed the woman's family of origin, education, and religious involvement as an adolescent and as a single person. The second set centred on courtship, perceptions and expectations of what might be required of a rabbi's wife. The third set focused on the role of the woman within the congregation and the adjustments made over time.

This paper offers three key issues raised by the research findings. Did the wives have an initial perception regarding the role of the wife of a congregational rabbi? Did the wives accommodate congregational expectations regarding their role within the community? If so, how did the wives accommodate their personal concerns to these expectations and how did they make the position work for them?

The six women interviewed ranged in age from early thirties to mid-sixties. Between them they have approximately eighty years experience within their congregational communities. Their congregational communities ranged from very liberal to Orthodox.

The Historical Rebbetzin:

Historically the wife of a rabbi was often a leader in her own right. She was involved with leading prayer and teaching the women, as well as sharing with her husband the burdens of communal leadership. For example, Talmudic discussions introduce us to Beruria, wife of Rabbi Meir, who was herself an expert in Jewish law and lore in the rabbinic era.7 In the middle ages, Rabbi Eleazar of Worms (1165-1230) praised his wife for her active religious and cultural life in the community: "she led the women in prayer and is believed to have given public discourses to the women on the Sabbath."8 We learn from the biographies of the Maharal of Prague that when his wife, Pearl Loew, was affianced to him at the age of six, "she decided to study assiduously, … and studied in secret until age fourteen."9 We learn through a close reading of the many biographies and articles on the Maharal that Pearl was an accomplished Torah scholar, and Talmudist.

As we move into the modern period, there is, comparatively speaking, an abundance of information about the wives of the Hasidic rebbes. Some assisted their husbands in their communal work; several had their own followers. There was Sarale (1838-1937) married to Reb Hayyim Shmuel Horowitz-Sternfeld, who, during her husband's lifetime and beyond, conducted herself as a full-fledged Rebbe until her own death.10 Her daughter, Hannah, wife of Reb Elimelekh of Grodzisk (1892) received requests for blessings from her followers.11

Despite the vast amount that has been published on the history of the nineteenth century German Reform movement, there is very little discussion of rabbinical wives. Through anecdotes and records, Marc Lee Raphael, in his book, Profiles in Judaism, vividly describes the early years of American Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, and Reconstructionist Judaism.12 Nothing is said about the wives of men who shaped religious Judaism in North America.

Even in this century, the amount of material available is uneven. Carla Freedman has hypothesized that one reason we know so little is because "rebbetzins have been too busy to keep diaries or write books about themselves."13 She also notes that we are particularly uninformed of the early years of this century.14 For example, Jenna Weissman Joselit has researched and written extensively on the immigrant experience of Jewish women in the first half of the twentieth century.15 Her writings explore that unique North American phenomenon, the synagogue sisterhood. There is no mention, however, of the role that might have been played by a rabbi's wife. The oral histories, select biographies and anecdotes that are available illustrate the many roles undertaken by a rebbetzin at the turn of the century. Some rebbetzins were at the forefront of many Jewish communal activities, while others chose to remain out of the limelight and quietly engage in good works. In her research on the twentieth-century rebbetzin Shuly Schwartz noted that "the successful rebbetzin greatly enhanced their husband's success in the rabbinate."16

The idea that the wife was to provide unquestioning support to her husband reflects the continuation of values drawn from the secular ideology of the Victorian era. This ideology, reframed for North American Jews, exhorted and encouraged Jewish women to see themselves as custodians of moral values, responsible for the "nursery" of identity, religious expression, and culture.17 In the early decades of the twentieth century, the Jewish community supported these values as the model for Jewish womanhood, which found their synthesis in "rebbetzinhood." There was an overwhelming need on the part of congregational members to fuse their religious needs with their need to "fit" American society. They looked to their rabbi, and by extension his wife, to help them accomplish this.

The Rebbetzin Today:

In her discussion on feminism in the American Jewish community, Sylvia Fishman observes that for the first time in recorded Jewish history women as a group can aspire to positions of power and prominence in the Jewish religious, scholarly, and communal worlds.18 There has been a dramatic change in the opportunities that are open to women in general. This is in sharp contrast to the continuing view within many congregations that little if any change has occurred in the life of a woman married to a congregational rabbi.

Shuly Schwartz comments about the difficulties inherent in separating the person from the position.19 In the 1970s the Reform movement and the Conservative movement were actively questioning the 'fit' of the rabbi's wife to rabbinical life.20 In the late 1970s both the Reform and Conservative movements began to provide space and time at their annual conferences where wives could express their concerns.

The issues and concerns raised at that time have not changed. How does marriage to a rabbi redefine the public role of a woman? Can the wife of a rabbi establish her own position within the community? Is there a congregational expectation that the wife demonstrate a certain level of Jewish knowledge? What adjustments are made to mitigate between the expectations of the wife regarding her position and that of the congregation and the community?

Becoming a Rebbetzin: Initial Perceptions of the Role of a Rabbi's Wife:

For some people, specifically Jews from Eastern Europe, the term rebbetzin conjures up images of an East European shtetl where the rabbi's wife was the family breadwinner, a role model of piety and learning, an exemplary wife and mother whose sole concern was the well-being of her husband and his standing in the community.21 With one exception, the women I interviewed initially had no clear perception regarding the role or the expectations that might exist for the wife of a rabbi. Toni noted "that the only real model I had of a rabbi's wife - our [her family's] sojourn at the reform temple, she was not really very much of a fixture, … she was low profile. And the one in the conservative synagogue I was involved with, was her own lady - her husband walked, but she drove …" 22

Ireta commented that she had not given much thought to the notion of being a rabbi's wife "… I don't think I had any picture of what it was like to be a rabbi's wife … I hadn't grown up around any rabbis - somebody organized a group of the potential rabbis' wives to discuss with them things - I think that other rabbis' wives who were already in the pulpit came and spoke to us - but I didn't really think too much about what it would be [like]…" 23

Several of the women considered the term to be an anachronism. Erin stated she rarely used the term rebbetzin to identify herself, and that when she used the term it was in a folksy kind of way - as something to play with rather than be defined by. Two of the women, however, commented that they viewed the term as a yardstick against which to measure their behaviours. Bette, for example, commented, that "as a rebbetzin - you have a public role - you have responsibilities to your community and that includes inviting people to your home and having large dinners. Making sure people were taken care of in terms of their religious needs, providing opportunities for people to explore, having a role in the synagogue …" 24

Hannah also had her particular idea of how a rabbi's wife should appear. She noted that when she lived in Israel she knew a woman (the wife of a rabbi) "who had a few young women who were by her side all the time … to learn from her."25 Hannah did not perceive of herself as taking on this type of teaching role. Unlike the other women who were interviewed, she was much more critical of her role within the congregation. In reflecting on her early perceptions of life as a rabbi's wife, and her experiences to-date she did not see herself as having achieved sufficient stature that she could claim for herself the title rebbetzin or rabbanit:

"In my own mind my picture of a rabbanit, the Sephardic term for the wife of a rabbi, is very different from what I see myself as … they're always very educated, very capable, I don't see myself in any formal position. I'm here to help my husband and the community in any way I can …"26 Hannah elaborated on how she would often help her husband set up the shul before a lecture or class. Hannah already had the responsibility of the children and the home, yet rationalized that it was her pleasure to give this extra help to her husband because it was a small shul and because he had no one else to help in that way. She then added: "I think it's part of helping a person … I have to help out, cause so much is on him. It's not uncommon that I would … help him."27

Bette was the only woman who appeared to be at ease with the term rebbetzin. Her husband was an established congregational rabbi when she first met him. She felt that she was walking into something that had a very clearly defined job description: "I knew what was expected of me - and I felt like a rebbetzin. I considered myself a rebbetzin looking for a rabbi."28

Four of the women were adamant they had not married pulpit rabbis -- they had married students, teachers, and academics. These women had to readjust their perceptions of their husbands'careers while also adjusting to a new community and establishing a new role for themselves vis-a-vis their husbands. The anecdotes and stories these women related made it quite clear that their initial intention was to maintain their independence and to be selective about their involvement in community activities. It soon became apparent, however, that the position of rebbetzin, like that of the rabbi, has its own set of demands and expectations. Even when a congregation is affirming and acknowledges the right of the wife to maintain her independence, the all-consuming nature of her husband's position defines the responses, actions and behaviours of the wife. This was particularly evident in matters concerning family obligations and the sharing of childcare.

While the Jewish wife of the late nineteenth and ] early twentieth century was expected "to make a home happy, and raise the children," the majority of women are no longer willing to be assigned the role of sole caretaker of the family's emotional and social life.29 For these contemporary wives of modern day rabbis, however, role expectations are unchanged. It is necessary for the wife to always be available for their children. A number of wives had stories to tell about missed birthdays, and cancelled outings. Erin noted, "I really haven't worked full-time since we moved here … because of the fact that I … want to be with my children. Part of that is because I'm married to a rabbi … because the lifestyle of a rabbi is such - that they're never available to their families … you have to be … both parents … I never really imagined I'd be such a full-time mother with a very absent father."30

Hannah also felt that her children were affected by her husband's position "…as a rabbinic family people look at you differently. They expect things from you that they don't expect from other people. I think even the children feel that. This week my husband had to go pick them up … he's not always on time, [my oldest child was very concerned and had stated] 'I'm embarrassed to be late, I'm the rabbi's [child] and I'm going to be late.' … They're influenced by who their father is."31

Aside from childcare concerns, most of the wives felt that they had managed to maintain their own identities and choose their own activities. At the same time most of the work done by these women fit with the needs of the congregational community.

Ireta, for example, commented that her knowledge and skills harmonized with the needs of the congregation.

"I was a teacher. [It] is always a lot easier, if you're going to be opening a pulpit, [leading a congregation] when you [the wife] are interested [and knowledgable] in things that will benefit a congregation."32 Erin's comments were intriguing. For example, Erin had little use for the traditional rebbetzin terminology and its attendant expectations.

"I made it really clear [when we came for the interview] that the rabbi's wife had her own name, her own life …"33 At the same time Erin was very clear about the importance of service to one's community. It was her opinion that "we have to volunteer our services … for all sorts of things."34 She commented: "I never accept money for anything I do in the shul. … I don't want to be an employee of the synagogue, so I do all of this voluntarily."35

Erin is very active. She loves to teach, she sometimes leads prayer, and she teaches women the skills for reading and chanting the Torah. In this regard Erin is fulfilling a role that has been prominent since the thirteenth century in which the wife of the rabbi often undertook the role of a precentor, singer of hymns, or firzogen, reader, for the women of the synagogue.36

When one considers some of the rebbetzins of previous generations and their work as leaders and educators within their communities, these women are following a well-trodden path.

The Rebbetzin Today:Congregational Expectations: Accommodating Oneself to Congregational Expectations

In 1976, a leading Conservative congregation, drew up a "Rabbinic Profile" of what a Conservative congregation had come to expect of its rabbi.37 It was expected that the rabbi be a scholar, pastor, youth worker, preacher, educator, executive, creative program initiator, and that he have the wisdom (and good fortune) to marry a woman who would share him with the congregational family and aid him in his work.38 An essential element in Conservative "Rabbinic Profile" is that the wife of the rabbi would be involved in a variety of congregational activities.

Shuly Schwartz, in her article, provides anecdotes about a number of rebbetzins who assisted their husbands in their congregational work. She mentions Mignon Rubenovitz, who actively participated in her husband's rabbinate and, established a role for herself within the congregation.39 A serious collector of Jewish ceremonial art, Mignon Rubenovitz established a museum within the synagogue served by her husband, and was involved in study and travel on behalf of this museum.40 Shuly Schwartz also presents Rebecca Fischel Goldstein, wife of Rabbi Goldstein, who "held Saturday afternoons 'at homes,' even when her husband was unable to participate.41 Barbara Kieffer, wife of Rabbi Mordecai Kieffer, noted that "the Rabbi's wife has a definite role, and even a commitment, to be a helpmate to the Rabbi."42 There were also rebbetzins who did not feel called upon to share in synagogue life.43 Edith Steinberg, the wife of Rabbi Milton Steinberg, found congregational life intrusive and frustrating. She actively resented that she had no individual identity apart from being Rabbi Steinberg's wife.44

Each of the women interviewed felt it was expected that their homes would be available for religious and social activities. Hannah commented, "I think they wanted someone who was outgoing, I think it was expected that our house would be open - and that I would be involved where I could be. - that was an expectation of theirs, - that I would be involved."45

While Erin challenged the notion that she was there as an appendage to her husband, she noted that at Shabbos dinner, "I don't think we ever have our family alone. Our home is opened up to the congregation for Sukkot … I really love bringing people in …"46

For the wife of a congregational rabbi any barriers that might exist between home and synagogue are obscured, especially where congregational members are concerned. The traditional notion of what is private and what is public space represents one of the glaring contradictions in the life of a rabbi's wife.

Nineteenth-century Reform Judaism advocated extending the Jewish woman's religious role into the "public space of the temple."47 In the life of a rabbi's wife, however, the temple, so to speak, has moved into the private space of her home. The boundaries and the space have been redefined to meet the needs of the congregation.

Each of the women spoke about the importance of providing a place for people to experience Shabbat and other Jewish holidays. There was a consensus among these women in terms of the use of their home as a social centre. Making one's home available to congregants during certain times of the year, or having one's home accessible every Shabbat afternoon was the result of being married to a rabbi. The various ways in which the rebbetzins described and dealt with their homes being open ranged from complete enjoyment to developing coping strategies in order to participate.

Ireta noted that in opening their home to members of the congregation "[It] was a wonderful way to get to know people - people still remember that - we also had people for Shabbat, and holidays. I think that was another way of getting to know people."48 Bette commented: "The type of entertaining where I was inviting congregants is a lot different than inviting friends. Inviting congregants is work because … you're going through the list of congregants and you're choosing different groups of people who work well together, and you're making sure that you invite everyone."49

Hannah viewed the social role of herself and her husband as part of her obligations towards their congregation:

"…People look towards the husband, and the family as well, for things that they themselves need or want. And we have that opportunity to give them …, whether it's a Shabbat dinner that they themselves wouldn't have … It can be so very easy to fulfill. There are times when I feel obligated to perhaps invite."50

The women commented how the social obligations of the congregation would insinuate themselves into their overall activities. Ireta, for example, noted: "The demands made on you … become a little tiresome - having to attend every single affair … sometimes very boring affairs actually … I sometimes felt the burden of having to attend things that I wasn't really interested in attending …"51

Hannah further commented: "I see that if I wasn't the rabbi's wife, I'm not sure … that I'd actually go around and talk to every single person there … [in synagogue]… or going to a wedding or Bar Mitzvah that I might not normally have gone to."52

Bette also felt that her husband's position as a congregational rabbi required her to engage in activities she might not otherwise have considered:

"I did feel that being married to a congregational rabbi had certain responsibilities. Yes. I knew even if I didn't feel up to it I was going to show up for shul… I would go with him to visit people that I didn't know at the hospital - there were responsibilities like that."53

Most of the women insisted that they were not defined by their husband's position. Hannah was quite adamant that her husband's position did not affect her choices or what she chose to do.54 Bette, however, was as emphatic that her husband's position in the community defined her position, "his job definitely had repercussions - to how I lived."55

Can a Rebbetzin have Friends? Staying True to Oneself While Working the Role

In becoming part of a congregational community the wife will often experience social isolation as boundaries are raised between herself and other members of the congregation. Several of the wives acknowledged meeting their friendship and social needs primarily through their husbands. Hannah, for example, seemed to be wary of developing close friendships. When asked about her relationships with women in the congregation, she commented:

"I think being a rabbi's wife has certain limitations in relationships because … there's like a fence. There are certain things that people don't talk about with a rabbi's wife … and for sure, as the rabbi's wife - there's a lot of things I'm not going to talk about. … There's nothing that I would say to a congregant about my husband … so there is a loneliness there. "56

Erin also commented that relationships tended to be approached very carefully:

"There's a certain issue of trust - because of being … who I am … certain issues that might be shared with a friend, might, just not be shared … With some people I always will have a certain role and they will have a certain role with me. … there can be a more honest friendship … with a very few people. And other people I have a friendship with … it's within the confines of a role." 57

Bette expressed another point of view where friendships are concerned:

"When you are in a public position - you feel like you're owned by the public - you don't really get a lot of privacy … you don't always know when people are approaching you to talk to you, or befriend you, what their motivations are …" 58

Only Toni saw herself as having close friendships within the congregation and she did not provide any detail as to the quality of these friendships. She noted:

"Friendships tend to be amongst other strong educated women. You know … strong doers - movers and shakers - the people who make things happen - are my close friends … those are the ones I can really share close stuff."59

Further on in the interview Toni comments that "we do a lot of work together and we rely on each other a lot … absolutely." 60

Affiliation did not seem to be a factor in how one perceived congregational friendships. The position itself placed limitations on personal friendships. Due to the demands made on the rabbinical couple, it is inevitable that the rabbi and his wife would share a unique relationship.

Whither the Rebbetzin? The Shifting Shape of Rebbetzinhood in the Twenty-first Century

Each of the women interviewed felt that as the role for Jewish women changes within their congregational communities, the expectations of the women who are rebbetzins will also change. Currently there are many communities where wives of rabbis remain aloof from the activities of their respective congregations. Several women also expressed the hope that as more women enter the rabbinate a shift in the expectations on spouses in general will occur. This further gave rise to speculation that as more women are allowed the opportunity to become pulpit rabbis different expectations might develop around the male spouse.

My research was limited by time and funding. Would the same activities, concerns, and issues have been found among the rabbinical wives in other cities? According to one rabbinical wife, the group profile of these women would have looked quite different if the interview had included women on the East coast. This suggests that there would be advantages to a more extensive series of interviews which would cover a greater number of women and affiliations. Surprisingly, one East Coast rabbinical wife, hearing about my interviews, commented that "no rabbi's wife that she knew would have spoken to me." 61

The women I interviewed saw themselves as part of a team effort - in which both partners had an equal responsibility for the success of the venture. Hannah, for example, referred to herself as "sort of [her husband's] silent partner." 62 Shoshanna's expression, on the other hand, that her and her husband "have a partnership -- not that the synagogue is getting more, but that's how we work, and he bounces a lot of ideas off of me" mirrored the experience of most of the rabbinical wives. 63 Each of the women commented about their involvement in their communities, from hosting congregational members in their homes to filling in when there is a low turn-out for services. The women also presented themselves as very secure in their Jewishness. Each has developed a solid foundation of knowledge and practice that allows them to reach out to others who are not so secure in their Jewish identity. In the process of reaching out to others they have become teachers, educators and public relations experts within their communities. By opening their homes they become visual advertisements of Jewish accommodation to secular society.

Each of these women, in her own way, is a voice for change. Several of the women have taken upon themselves Jewish practices and rituals. Where once only men could chant Torah and lead a mixed congregation in prayers, a number of the women are active in "making Judaism accessible." Through teaching liturgy and leading prayers these women are modelling the new possibilities that can exist for women within Judaism. In their efforts to reconcile tradition with the new roles available for Jewish women they are able to reach out and encourage women to reconnect in a new way with their history and their community.

To-date there is nothing in writing that specifies how a rebbetzin is to participate in her community. The time has come to reconsider what it means for a congregation to have an active rebbetzin. The women who participated in this study understood their involvement to be integral to their marriage to a rabbi. Not all rabbis' wives feel this way. Shoshanna noted, "the whole role [of rebbetzin] needs to be redefined", and the wife should not need to guess how she can best 'fit' herself to the congregation. 64 As one congregational wife commented:

"Who is my rabbi? … The rebbetzin is the rabbi's rabbi. Who does the rebbetzin have? She should join another congregation." 65

Endnotes

1 Tape #3, January 30, 1996. The term rebbetzin is yiddish for the wife of a rabbi.

2 Susan Landau-Chark, "An Exploration of the Role of the Rabbi's Wife" (Master's Thesis, University of British Columbia, 1997)

3 Tape #6, March 26, 1996.

4 Tape #6, March 26, 1996.

5 Rabbi Alex J. Goldman, The Greatest Rabbis Hall of Fame (New York: Shapolsky Publishers, 1987). Excerpted from Rabbi Goldman's words of appreciation to his wife (14), Rabbi Kaufmann Kohler's words about his wife (119), and Rabbi Henry Cohen's words of thanks to his wife (158).

6 Lynn Davidman and Shelley Tenenbaum, "Introduction," Feminist Perspectives on Jewish Studies, eds. Lynn Davidman and Shelley Tenenbaum (New Haven and London: Yale UP, 1994) 2.

7 Judith Z. Abrams, The Women of the Talmud (Northvale, New Jersey: Jason Aronson Inc, 1995), 2

8 Shoshana Pantel Zolty, And All Your Children Shall Be Learned: Women and the Study of Torah in Jewish Law and History (Northvale, New Jersey: Jason Aronson Inc, 1993), 181.

9 Ibid., 193-194.

10 Menachem M. Brayer, The Jewish Woman in Rabbinic Literature: A Psychohistorical Perspective, Vol. 2 (Hoboken, NJ: Ktav Publishing House, 1986), 45.

11 Ibid., 45.

12 Marc Lee Raphael, Profiles in American Judaism: The Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, and Reconstructionist Traditions in Historical Perspective (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1984).

13 Carla Freedman, "The Rebbetzin in America in the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries" (Rabbinic thesis, Hebrew Union College, 1990), 144.

14 Ibid., 144.

15 Jenna Weissman Joselit, " 'A Set Table' Jewish Domestic Culture in the New World, 1880-1950," Getting Comfortable in New York, The American Jewish Home, 1880-1950, eds. Susan L. Braunstein and Jenna Weissman Joselit (New York: The Jewish Museum, 1990) 21- 73. Also her book The Wonders of America (New York: Hill and Wang, 1994).

16 Shuly R. Schwartz, "We Married What We Wanted To Be: The Rebbetzin in Twentieth-Century America," American Jewish History 83 (1995): 228.

17 Jenna Weissman Joselit, The Wonders of America (New York: Hill and Wang, 1994), 10.

18 Sylvia Barak Fishman, A Breath of Life: Feminism in the American Jewish Community (New York: The Free Press, 1993), 229.

19 Schwartz 239.

20 In the early 1970's, Rabbi Stephen Lerner, acting on behalf of the Rabbinical Assembly, sent out a series of ten questions to over sixty members of the Conservative Rabbinate. Responses to the questions were published in Conservative Judaism 29.2 in 1975. At the same time, Dr. Theodore Lenn, acting on behalf of the Central Conference of American Rabbis (CCAR), mailed out 471 questionnaires to its membership. The findings of the Lenn study were published by the CCAR in 1972 under the heading Rabbi and Synagogue in Reform Judaism.

21 Hadassah Ribalow Nadich, "The Rabbi's Spouse," The Jewish Spectator 50 (1985): 16-18.

22 Tape #6, March 26, 1996.

23 Tape #2, January 23, 1996.

24 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

25 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

26 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

27 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

28 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

29 Lois A. Boyd, "Presbyterian Ministers' Wives: A Nineteenth Century Portrait," Journal of Presbyterian History 59.1 (1981): 3- 17.

30 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

31 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

32 Tape #2, January 23, 1996.

33 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

34 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

35 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

36 Zolty 174.

37 Abraham J. Karp, "The Conservative Rabbi -- 'Dissatisfied But Not Unhappy'," in The American Rabbinate, eds. Jacob Rader Marcus and Abraham J. Peck (Hoboken, New Jersey: Ktav Publishing House, 1985), 103.

38 Ibid., 104.

39 Schwartz 233.

40 Freedman 106.

41 Schwartz 235.

42 Barbara Kieffer, "Call Me Rebbetzin," Women's League Outlook53 (1983): 13.

43 Freedman 60.

44 Ibid., 61.

45 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

46 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

47 Karla Goldman, "The Ambivalence of Reform Judaism: Kaufmann Kohler and the Ideal Jewish Woman," American Jewish History LXXXIX (1990): 477.

48 Tape #2, January 23, 1996.

49 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

50 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

51 Tape #2, January 23, 1996.

52 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

53 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

54 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

55 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

56 Tape #4, February 6, 1996.

57 Tape #5, February 15, 1996.

58 Tape #3, January 30, 1996.

59 Tape #6, March 26, 1996.

60 Tape #6, March 26, 1996.

61 Personal Interview, May 16, 1996.

62 Tape #4, February 6, 1996

63 Tape #1, January 22, 1996.

64 Tape #1, January 22, 1996.

65 Paul Wilkes, And They Shall Be My People: An American Rabbi and His Congregation (New York: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1994), 202. This bittersweet comment was uttered at a recent Rabbinical Assembly conference, during one of the sessions for wives, which was entitled "Is This the Person I Married: Reconciling Your View of Your Spouse with the Congregational View of the Rabbi." Susan J. Landau-Chark